Self-defense isn’t black and white
If you didn’t know, Kore has recently started working with the Community Security Service (CSS) to help the members of their community take agency over their lives and to help keep their local communities safe. I wrapped up one of the multi-week courses this past week, and it was the first time I got a little choked up, not from my experiences in life, or even from a close loved one’s experience in life, but from (generically) talking about the stories my students have shared with me. As I was sharing one of the stories to my students, I could see that same look in their eyes that the student had who told the story (and another student who told me a similar story, and another, and another..) To explain how we got to that point though, I’ll need to rewind class a bit.
We were working bear hugs from behind (in the moment, it was with both arms caught, above the elbow). One of the students had a strong BJJ background. As I demonstrated the technique and got to the side of the Attacker, he asked why I didn’t just throw him. I started by saying, “Well I haven’t hit him yet.. I want to counter and cause damage.” He asked again, ..”but you could just throw him right?” (He really wanted me to throw him.. lol) To which I demonstrated another response with counter-striking, and then “mock” executing an osoto gari throw. I followed that up with a “Let’s talk about that.”
I brought up a story from last year in DC. A man died because he fell to the ground during a fight. He didn’t die from being punched. He died of complications from his head hitting the ground. If you didn’t read the story, it’s here:
Throwing someone to the ground is a deliberate act (versus someone simply stumbling and falling). If you train in BJJ and/or Judo (pick any where you throw people really), then you are educated on how to throw people, and you should also be educated on the consequences to the person being thrown. So, do I throw the person? …depends (our favorite answer). Do they have a weapon? Are they significantly bigger than me? Do I have special knowledge of this person? ….? If I do throw them, maybe I can get away. There is a risk there that has to be weighed.
I then gave an example using 2 of the students who were really close in height and weight (and I also prefaced my example by saying that they had the exact same training and physical capabilities.. basically, perfectly equal), and then talked about levels of force, as in, at what level would the “Target” exceed the level of force of the Attacker? Would a throw constitute a higher level of force? …depends (not helpful! I know, something more helpful is coming). If the Target exceeds the level of force of the Attacker, there is a risk that the Target could no longer claim that they were defending themselves. If that happens, there could be Federal and/or State changes against the person who was initially defending themselves. Even if they are cleared of these charges, they could face civil charges (I think only WV and TX have civil immunity for self-defense, but I’d need to double check. You can read the Texas and West Virginia laws using the links at the bottom.) Whether the person is found guilty or not, they’ll most likely have to pay for a lawyer. They will have to deal with all of the social ramifications, to include possibly being ostracized by their friends and family.
After that, I changed the example and used 2 other students, a male and a female. The male was about 6 inches taller, and had about 60 lbs on the female student. What does “matching levels of force” look like now? She might get away with picking up a fist sized rock and hitting him with it, even if he doesn’t have a weapon. Would she? Would she not? …depends, but I like her chances much better than if it was reversed.
Unfortunately, I didn’t use this phrase during class, (I’m sorry students! My brain was in 1000 mph mode, which is about 900 mph faster than I can talk! This is such a loaded topic.) but the generally accepted answer on the appropriate amount of force is: “You may use the minimum level of force that you reasonably believe is necessary to safely resolve the situation… (for you).”
At that point, the student who originally asked the question was quite wide-eyed. He simply said “Wow. No one has ever said anything like that in any training I’ve ever had.” My response was to simply say that there is a delineation between “martial arts” training and “self-defense” training. You CAN use your martial art in a self-defense situation, but self-defense starts long before the physical happens and ends long after the last punch is thrown.
I then revisited the aftermath topic and added another piece (there are even more than I covered last night, but time is limited). Even if my female student, from earlier, did everything right during an encounter, she could still take on extreme physical, mental, and emotional damage. Usually, that person’s community would rally by her side. That might last 1 or 2 months, but then that support will slowly fade away. It’s not that the community is full of bad or fake people, it’s simply life. Meanwhile, that person is probably still hurting and in need of support. If she severely injured the Attacker, her friends and family may now start to spin a narrative in their own heads that she is an extremely violent person, even though she was simply defending herself. “Did you see what she did to him? I can’t believe how violent she was..” This spiraling thought process can generate feelings of discomfort just being around her. Friends are now lost. Family could be lost. It’s a terrible thing, especially for the person who was the target and wasn’t given much of a choice.
At that point, I looked at one of the students who was wearing a necklace. That necklace told me something about this person (it wasn’t a plain necklace), and it triggered the conversations from one of my other classes in my head. That’s when I shared that one of my other students felt the need to tuck their necklace away while they were out running with their friends (and that they weren’t the only one who has done this in the past). The fear was that the group of people approaching them would target him and his friends simply because of what he had on his necklace. Mind you that it wasn’t inappropriate in any way, it simply categorized him into a certain community that was a target of the oncoming group of people. As I talked about that with my students, I noticed a change in their eyes. I could see that this was something that had already affected my students. It hit home for them. That was when I had to take a beat…
I wrapped up this discussion telling them that I wasn’t passing this information to dissuade them, or scare them from defending themselves. I reminded them that they are allowed to own their space on the Earth, and that I was there to instruct these classes because I do want them to defend themselves. In my opinion, no good person should fear living their life the way they see fit (as long as they don’t infringe on others of course). Unfortunately, that isn’t the world we live in.
That was a heavy discussion, but important. What made it work was that the students invited the conversation. I didn’t force it. That group of students really made instructing that course enjoyable for me. They all came to work and learned what they could in the limited time that we had together. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to work with these students again in the future. If I don’t get that chance, I hope that they continue their self-defense journey wherever life takes them.
-Steve
TX Civil Immunity: https://statutes.capitol.texas.gov/Docs/CP/htm/CP.83.HTM#:~:text=Sec.,or%20deadly%20force%2C%20as%20applicable.
WV Civil Immunity: https://www.wvlegislature.gov/Bill_Status/bills_text.cfm?billdoc=hb4400%20intr.htm&yr=2024&sesstype=RS&i=4400
